*A young punker gets on the cross-town bus.
He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's without shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat,
directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man:
"What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
"Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore,
and made love with a parrot.
I thought maybe you were my son."
*This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend.
He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the Rail Road tracks one day, he hears this whistle
-- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle,
to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling.
He grabs a baseball bat from the closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes to the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:
"Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
*For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park,
until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"and I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes,
from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
*Three men were flying in a plane.
One dropped out an apple the other dropped an orange and the other dropped a grenade.
After landing they were walking down the street and saw a kid crying.
They asked him why he was crying and he said "an apple hit me in the head".
Then they saw another kid crying he said "an orange hit me in the head".
Then they saw a kid laughing his head off and they asked him what was so funny he said
"I farted and my house blew up!"
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Jokes One Liners Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
No comments:
Post a Comment