*Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I want to see a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
*Three guys are skydiving and the first guy throws a brick out the window, the second guy throws a stone out the window, and the third guy throws a grenade out the window. When they land they decide to go walk into town, so they are walking down the street until they see a woman crying. The first guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The woman says, "A brick fell out the sky and killed my cat." So they continue down the street then see a young boy crying. The second guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The boy said that a stone fell out of the sky and killed his dog. They continue down the road until they see the man laughing his ass off. The third guy asks, "Whats so funny?" The man says, "I bent down to pick up my news paper and I farted and my house blew up."
*A man walks into a bar, he asks for two shots the bar tender says to him we have a deal going on right now. The man replys whats the deal man? the bar tender says to him if you can drink this half gallon of whiskey in five minutes and keep it down for another five minutes, then go out back and pull the angry alligators tooth out and then lastly up stairs is a woman who has never had an orgasim if you give her one and do the other two things in that order you can eat and drink here for free forever. The man said that sounds tough but I will try it any way so he chugs the whiskey drinks it in time and keep it down then goes out back about twenty minutes go by the people in the bar hear screaming and just pure pain the man walks back into the bar all tore up bleeding stumbling drunk and what not and looks over at the bar tender and says now where is that woman who needs her tooth pulled.
*There are four people on an airplane. The pilot, Hitler, An old man, and a young boy with a backpack. About 20 minutes into the flight the pilot runs out and yells. " The plane is going to crash! Grab a parachute and jump!" The young boy says, " But sir, there are only 3 parachutes. Not all of us will survive." All of the people look at eachother and the pilot says, " I deserve to live." So he jumps out of the plane leaving 2 parachutes and 3 people. Hitler says, " I have done so much to the world. I should live." So he grabs a parachute and jumps leaving 1 parachute and 2 people. The old man squats down and says to the little boy, " Son, I have lived my life to its fullest so you take the last parachute." the little boy says, " thats okay, we still have 2 parachutes." The old man says, " How? Hitler took the other one." The little boy adds, " No he didnt. Hitler took my backpack.
*One day an old couple decided to go to Jerusalem for vacation. A few days after they arrived, the old wife died. The man who worked at the local funeral home told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried here of pay $4,000 to have her body be shipped over and have her get buried there. The old man thought about it for a while, and said that he would rather pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over than to pay $150 to get her buried here. The man who worked at the funeral home asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " 2,013 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."
*There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
Funny Short Jokes Free Funny Photos Pictures Images 2013
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